Control

The New York Times has an excellent article about online web tools for teachers to communicate with parents. Though my Little Man and my Boo aren't old enough for school, let alone not turning in homework and failing grades, I am interested in the whole phenomenon for two reasons. One: I'm a teacher. Two: Parenting seems to be all about control.

A profusion of online programs that can track a student’s daily progress, including class attendance, missed assignments and grades on homework, quizzes and tests, is changing the nature of communication between parents and children, families and teachers. With names like Edline, ParentConnect, Pinnacle Internet Viewer and PowerSchool, the software is used by thousands of schools, kindergarten through 12th grade. PowerSchool alone is used by 10,100 schools in 49 states.


In rural, urban and suburban districts, they have become a new fact of life for thousands of families. At best, the programs can be the Internet’s bright light into the bottomless backpack, an antidote for freshman forgetfulness, an early warning system and a lie detector.

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Depending on the software, parents can check pending assignments; incomplete assignments; whether a child has been late to class; discipline notices; and grades on homework, quizzes and tests as soon as they are posted. They can also receive e-mail alerts on their cellphones.

With some programs, not only is a student’s grade recalculated with every quiz, but parents can monitor the daily fluctuations of their child’s class ranking. The availability of so much up-to-the-minute information about a naturally evasive teenager can be intoxicating: one Kansas parent compared watching PowerSchool to tracking the stock market.

As a teacher, I have heard tales of a spate of over-intervention of parents. I don't see it too often in my own job. I have seen instances of it at the grad school level, where students will have their parents try to intervene with the professor to get a grade change (SERIOUSLY?!! You are an adult. You get to vote. Grow up!)

But the thing that is terrible about such programs is that it disempowers the kids and takes the responsibility for their success off of them. Sure, I want Johnny to turn in his work. I want Johnny's mom to help. What I don't want is Johnny's Mom to walk his work to my classroom at 7:20 AM because Johnny himself can't be organized enough not to lose it or to forget it.

Also, knowing a kid's grade minute-by-minute seems to lead you to a non-macro understanding of how well a kid is actually doing. It's a snapshot, in the same way that standardized tests are snapshots, of how a kid is doing at a given point in time. If they are spiraling downward, then yeah, intervene. But seriously? There are worse things than failing a class in 3th grade AND sometimes that failure is a good wake up for a kid.

I do understand the other hand though. The desire to control every aspect of what a kid does in order to make the outcome work out to the kid's maximum potential. And I catch myself doing it as a mom.

With Little Man crawling all over, I feel like this is the end of an chapter in his life. From this point on, it's a continual slow acquiescence of control by the parent. And it should be.

What I want most for my children is that they be self-reliant, competent, loving, and confident beings. Independence is a necessary component of that, but it means I can't fix it all and make it go right, not that I ever could.

I'm sure by the time my two are in school, I'll be foaming at the mouth for more information, more interaction, more control. But I hope to remember that independence is necessary too.

Schedules

I'm not a big scheduled person. I mean, I do all right with a routine, but if I don't have a schedule I don't feel bereft.

Little Man is scheduling king. As a family, we all do better when we respect HIS limits and follow the schedule as he dictates. Breakfast three times a day (along with two lunches and a dinner), naps, and bedtime before 7 PM.

I find that I debate forcing him back on schedule with some flexibility. For example, yesterday around 5 he started to wind down and he could have used an extra nap. But I was worried that if he had slept then he wouldn't eat and would end up having to be woken up for dinner. Then he'd be unable to get back to sleep and it would be ugly. So I kept him awake, fed him and put him to bed early early.

It makes life limited in some ways (though we did go see a hockey game, courtesy of a babysitter who wanted to play with the boy but the boy was asleep), but those are limits that are totally ok.

For Sale

I'm in the process of getting stuff ready for the March LA Kids Consignment sale. I'm a fan of consignment shopping because I actually don't have lots of money and I'm cheap, but I do like to buy stuff. In LA there is a sale every 6 months.

I was wondering if other places had seasonal sales and I found Kids Consignment Sales which lists sales. There may be one near you! Check the list because I have found the seasonal sales to be better than the consignment stores I go to.

Anyhow, I'm going through the process of sorting, labeling, hanging and tagging stuff. I'm selling two breasts pumps (one portable, one hospital grade), a changing table, lots of clothes (usually bundled as sets or outfits, none for more than a couple of bucks each), some carriers. It's an odd relief to prep it in anticipation of this stuff actually leaving my house.

A fun rainy day activity.

On a serious note

Katie and I went to a seminar that a family lawyer did on estate planning (useless for us as we have No Money) and on wills. There was lots of really interesting information and a ton that did not apply. But these takeaway tidbits were fascinating:

1. Even if you have few assets (<$100,000 which would let you avoid probate), if a minor is a beneficiary of a life insurance policy or of a retirement account then it will automatically go to probate. Keep that in mind when you pick a beneficiary.

2. In the event of a dire emergency, we need to designate not only a permanent guardian, but to avoid Little Man being placed in the Child Protective Services system, we also should designate a temporary guardian (for the first 1-12 hours until everything can be sorted out).

3. The three legal docs, according to this guy, that all adults should have are a Power of Attorney, An Advanced Directive with the appropriate HIPPAA releases, and a Will.

4. A will means you have to go to probate for the assets. If you have any assets above $100,000 it should go into a living trust. The will is really about designating guardianship of children.

5. All of your documents should be stored somewhere where others know so they can access them. Services like Docubank are available with digital storage of advanced directives and will fax them 24/7 on demand.

Whew. Lots to think about.