Cold Comfort

I found this on the BBC, where it talks about moms who have a job are happier than complete SAHM. I don't know that I believe it. There are some days when I yearn to be at home with my child. Then there are some days when I am at home with Little Man where I think, "I'm so glad you're going to C tomorrow!"

Sometimes I wonder

I'm a full-time working mom. Instead of spending days cuddled with my son or holding my daughter, I'm at a desk typing on a laptop, or in a classroom in front of a group of kids or in a meeting with people who think I am bringing the worst news ever.

I wonder how much of the mothering that "natural" parenting proposes is really geared towards the SAHM, especially a SAHM who is being supported by someone else. For example, exclusive breastfeeding requires real drive and dedication if you are away from junior for 8 hours + a commute 5 days a week. That's a lot of time being intimate with the breast pump (and yes I know a lot of people do it, I just wonder for how long... and I wonder how many of those who stop before 12 months, like me, did so precisely because they went back to work out of the home?)

Or attachment parenting, at least the extreme fundamentalist version where kids are held mostly and never placed in a stroller or their own crib. In that vision of the world, I never leave my baby. Which makes that pesky working out of the home more difficult.

I just read an article in Brain, Child about Elimination Communication where you rely on the bond you form with your infant to tell you when they need to pee or poop and you raise a diaper free child. Much of this is done by spending a good deal of time holding the undiapered baby above a sink or toilet. If you work full time, that is just not going to happen. I can see it now, "Excuse me, day care provider, we aren't doing diapers with him. We're learning how he communicates when he needs to go."

Even lots of mom events are geared toward the Stay-at-Home mom. No I can't meet for a playgroup at 10:30 on Wednesday. As much as I'd love to go to a museum for a meet-up, I work full time and Thursdays at 2 don't work so well for me.

Anyhow these models of good mommyhood? They seem really reliant on mom not having or not wanting to work out of the home.

So maybe I'm not the mother I thought I'd be because I actually have rent to pay and food to buy and other bills piling up.